"I hugged my mom and was lost somewhere outside the world..I wish I could keep my head in her lap..I wish she keeps her hand on my head..I wish I could keep on feeling the warmth of her love..I know, she knows my feelings more than me.."
It was the time when I joined my college. Everything was brand new and I was as excited as a child. I was feeling the freedom. New friends, new teachers, new classes, everything was so great. "Hey, can i sit here?" Vinash asked. "Of-coarse" I said. "So, how're u feeling? hows college and all?" he asked again. "College is great and it’s like a dream" I said. We chatted until teacher asked us to leave the lecture hall on very first day. But, it was fun too. We went to canteen, where some seniors called us and asked for our introduction (a part of ragging). After that, they wanted us too do some weird things like standing on two chairs and singing National Anthem loudly, kidnapping some senior girl, hijacking college bus and many more. But we enjoyed a lot. Vinash and me became good friends. Finally we managed to have same hostel room too. He couldn't live without his cigarettes and i without my guitar. Days passed and we both shared common passions. But i was not so much addicted to smoking. I did it to accompany my best pal.
It was the time when I joined my college. Everything was brand new and I was as excited as a child. I was feeling the freedom. New friends, new teachers, new classes, everything was so great. "Hey, can i sit here?" Vinash asked. "Of-coarse" I said. "So, how're u feeling? hows college and all?" he asked again. "College is great and it’s like a dream" I said. We chatted until teacher asked us to leave the lecture hall on very first day. But, it was fun too. We went to canteen, where some seniors called us and asked for our introduction (a part of ragging). After that, they wanted us too do some weird things like standing on two chairs and singing National Anthem loudly, kidnapping some senior girl, hijacking college bus and many more. But we enjoyed a lot. Vinash and me became good friends. Finally we managed to have same hostel room too. He couldn't live without his cigarettes and i without my guitar. Days passed and we both shared common passions. But i was not so much addicted to smoking. I did it to accompany my best pal.
It was a mid term test day and I was studying while sitting on stairs near college canteen. I usually called it a 'silent bookfish zone'. I used to sit there during preparation of mid term exams. So, that day, I was studying some in-understood able chapter and from no where a gorgeous girl came and sat at same place. She was an amazing girl and ofcourse, it was difficult to concentrate on my book. The same thing went on happening for couple of days and finally we shared some words. "time kya hua hai?" she asked. "12.30 ho gye hain" I replied. "Oh, am getting late for my sessional" she said and left. Next day, she showed up again. I managed myself and asked her "how was ur sessional yesterday?". She said, it was not so good. Her name was Geetika. We became good friends and then more than friends. We used to spend our time at the same place where we met first time.
College life was at the peak. We all bunked classes, watched movies and went to many trips. We were enjoying each and every moment of our lives but one day everything changed. It was forth semester when our results were out. I flunked in two subjects and vinash in all subjects. That day, we didn't met anybody and went straight to our room. It was first time in my life, when I got failed. FAILURE was the only word which was driving my brain crazy. We smoked around 8-10 boxes of cigarettes that day. We were very upset. Geetika kept on calling me but I didn't answer her call. I knew she was worried but I was not in the position to talk to anybody. I had no idea from where, vinash managed a bottle of alcohol. He said, "bas yahi ek cheez hai, jo hamein kuchh time ke liye sab bhula degi". I denied, but my 'uncertain will' made me weak. We drank all night. He was true, the thing was amazing. We were in different world. I was feeling myself so light. Our room was full of smoke clouds and we were full with drinks.
Next morning, when I went to meet geetika, she started asking me lots of questions like, where I was, why wasI not answering her phone etc etc. I didn't said a single word. Finally, I revealed everything. She was not happy for my behavior and asked me to swear not to drink and smoke again. I ignored her and she knew that. She kept on saying that "things haven't gone so bad, everything will be fine". I said, "yes, I know. I'll make them better again". I also talked to my mom and she said the same thing. She had trust in me that I'll surely improvise and will perform good again.
But, the ecstasy continued. I scored good in all examination but I became good player in drinking too. Geetika knew the same and was not happy with that. She told everything to my mom. So, finally I got an ultimatum call from my place. Everyone was upset of my addiction. I was the only one who didn't care. I ignored everyone and continued the journey of fictitious world of addiction.
And one day, she left..yeah geetika left. I was completely broken that day. I could bring her back but i didn't, because I knew, I was not the guy that she deserved. That day, I needed something different, so that, i could forget this world. And as usual my best buddy, Vinash managed some white powder (freaky drug powder). Wo kehte hain na..jab aadmi bura banna chahta hai to sab usse bura banate chale jaate hain.. So, I was on drugs now. I stopped attending classes and even stopped going out of my hostel room. I liked the environment of smoke, drinks and powder.
Geetika knew, what I was doing with myself. She couldn't resist herself and visited me in evening. I was lying on the floor in my room and was not in this world. She put my head in her lap and tried to take me out of the fake world. Her tears, when touched my forehead, popped me out from my comma. I hugged her and kept on saying.."I don't want any of this this..please take me out of this..dont leave me..". She hugged me and said.."I know..we'll do it together".
From that day, she took care of me and helped me to leave the drugs. I was improvising. My mom and dad took me back to home from the college, so that I could regain what I lost.
As usual, I was fighting with my sister and mom was scolding us. Dad was reading news-paper. I was totally back. "Aaaaah..my stomach" I cried and fainted. I opened my eyes and found myself in hospital. Mom was sitting next to me and was crying continuously. Dad was shouting outside on some doctor. Sister was holding my hand and said "dont worry bhai..u'll be fine..i know..nothing will happen to you". I asked her, what's going on with me. She didn't replied and left the room. Dad came in and said "we'll take him to another best hospital..doctors don't know a thing about this..how can they say this..". I asked "what are they saying..tell me something..". It was the first time when I saw tears in my dad's eyes. He was not able even to look at me and left the room also. I looked at mom and asked "Should I know something?". She kept on crying. I guessed that some thing big had happened but no one told me anything.
Next day, geetika came to hospital to see me. She entered in my room and shouted like anything "maine kaha tha na..chhod do ye sab..thik nahi hai ye..but tum..kya karoge ab? mere baare mein to chhodo..apni family ka to sochte ke tumhare baad unka kya hoga?". The last sentence killed me. My sister went to her and said we didn't tell him anything. Geetika got fainted. Everybody settled her on a sofa in the room. I shouted "what's happening to me? I want to know". My sister said "you want to know? you lost your both kidneys and your lever..you have just a month..khush?". The words made me deaf. A flashback, I smiled and said "I knew..this will happen..It was me who did this".
"I don't want to go now..I am sorry for everything..I wish I could bring the time back..I wish I should have hear what you said..I wish dad would have beaten me for when I was doing that..I wish I could love geetika more..I still want to fight with my sister..I still want to hug my mom when I feel sad..I still want to make my dad feel proud..I still want to attend my classes..I still want to eat junk food from my canteen..I still want to drive my bike..I still want to hold the strings of my life..I still want to live..". This is what I am thinking..standing next to my mom and dad BUT they are not aware of that.
