feeling unlucky..

I am still the same without any adore,
obsessed with myself sitting at the shore..

No idea what went wrong,
Life is passing without love song..

Actually, I never took any chance,
neither tried for it nor did dance..

Something in me is afraid of the emotion,
some inner voice stops me saying 'caution'..

I feel the unluckiest guy in the world,
straying here n there like a no rest bird..

People love, people separate..
I start shivering, thinking, I am late..

I am waiting for it to happen with me,
there's hope, a different world, I will see..

'She', I am waiting for her to make me weak,
will change my life, from black n white to a colorful sheet..

'She' comes in my dream like a shadow,
I could'nt see her clearly as she make my dream glow..

I don't know when my wait will be over,
want to feel every drop of the rain shower..

I am full of keeping my secrets,
will exhale everything to her like a smoking cigarrete,

I think, I wait, I smile,
on endless road, walking miles..


(Leave your most valued comments here please)

Aisa bhi hota hai.. (love with a twist)

I was standing at the shop where I work. She was standing at the bus stop and I was staring her, as usual. She had no idea, how much I like her and I had no idea how I can say, everything that I felt for her. I never found any chance to go near her, as I was not sure that would she like me or not. Stealing some time from my work, I always had a stare at her, until she catches her bus. So, I was totally mad for her and loved to see her every morning. She was the one for me.

One day, she was standing at the same bus stop, looking gorgeous, as usual. Some boys were passing comment to her and eve-teased her. I could’nt resist myself and rushed to the bus stop. As soon as I reached, there, I warned all of them to keep away from the girl. I had no idea, that I could scare them so much that they would run like a hare from there. She looked at me and said “thank you!”, her first words to me. And me, could’nt say a word to her as I was lost in her eyes. She asked me my name but I was speechless. She asked me where I live, again I was speechless but I managed myself to wave at my workplace which was at opposite side of the bus stand. She smiled and went in her bus. From that day onwards, whenever she reached the bus stop, she waved hello to me and in return I do the same. After some more days, she started meeting me at my workplace in the evening, before she went to her home, which was at about 100 footsteps from my workplace and I accompanied her. I was at the seventh sky.

It was some day in previous year winters, when I fell ill. As I was all alone in the city, there was no one who can take care of me. She came in the evening at her usual timings. She scolded me as soon as she came to knew that I was ill and insisted me to move in to her apartment. I denied but she didn’t listen to me. Even I couldn’t denied her for long time and moved into her apartment. She took care of me and my health was improving. I knew, that now, I can’t live without her. Her apartment was as beautiful as her but with one complication. She had a roomie. I really hated her and she hated me too. She even quarreled with my love, that how can I live in this apartment. She never liked me. So, she moved out and I was happy.

Now, there was no one to disturb us and we started spending amazing days together. We both left and return to our home at same time, after working at our workplaces. The schedule is still same till now.

Today is Sunday, the best day on the earth as I always spend whole day with my love. She is sleeping next to me and I am still as mad for her as I was three years ago. She is now awake, hugged me and said good morning. I hugged her too. She left for her bath and I pushed myself into the warm sheet where she was sleeping. The coziness of the place is undefined. Now, I am waiting for breakfast and she is the best cook in the world. I am still in the bed but I can hear the sound of cooking and the aroma of the food. I think, breakfast is ready and she is doing the dining table. “Shonaa!” she always call me with this name, as she asked me to leave the bed now and join her at breakfast. I moved out of the bed and went to the next room, where she was waiting for me. I can’t express that feeling. I went near to her and she hugged me. I looked at her with all of love in my eyes. 

She bent and pushed my bowl towards me. I began to lap up the flavored milk with my tail swishing from side to side, which we always do to show our love and affection.


(Leave your most valued comments here please)

Story at other end..

Episode 1:

“Yaar..I think she is the girl..she is the one I was looking for” Maddy said. “to shaadi karle fer usse” I teased. “hmm..i was thinking the same..I can..” Maddy said with a low tone. “dude..are you serious? No way..” I asked with a curiosity. “hmm..” Maddy replied. “go on boy..spill the story out..I want to know everything” I asked again. “She was in my school..we were not very good friends at that time..but..we never missed to wish each other a good morning, birthday wishes, good luck in exams..you can say..we were smile friends..I never had a thought of her..we were friends but with a…different connection..” Maddy said. “then..” I asked looking at his face. “after the school..we went to different college..but in the mean time we exchanged contact numbers..we did’nt text frequently..again wishes and all..” Maddy replied. “hmm..so when does everything started?” I asked. “I am just having an idea that..she can easily be adjusted in my family..you know that how we punjabi’s are..” Maddy said and winked. I laughed and said “kamleyaan da tabbar..kuchh nahi ho sakda punjabiyaan da..we are born like that yaar..”. “But yaar, I have no idea..how to tell her how I feel..” Maddy asked seriously. “koi naa..let’s think of something..” I replied. “Do one thing..text her about how you feel for her..just a casual one..i mean..text her that she is a very nice girl and you like her..” I said. “you are mad bhai..bura maan jayegi” Maddy said. “kam se kam tu to ek taraf hoga..its high time kaake..abhi nahi to fer kabhi nahi..” I provoked. “ok..but not text..I want to say everything face to face” Maddy replied. “Shaadi karle tu..seriously..you are a man now..” I said and we laughed.

“What’s up bro?” I asked Maddy what happened, when we met after his meeting with the girl. “chhad yaar..” Maddy replied. I had an idea about everything but as a courtesy I asked “what happened? Kuch to bata..”. “She is getting engaged next month..” he replied. “oh fish..saari achhi bandiyon ki yahi kahaani hai..” I said. “hmm..achhi bandi thi yaar..i thought..we would be great together..i should have told her earlier...” he said. “hmm..so when she told you the whole thing..tune kya kaha fer?” I asked to tease him and to break the ice. “Waiter..bill le aao” maddy said with a smile. “you bastard!” I replied.

End of episode 1..

Episode 2:

“Yo..whats’s up bro!” I called Maddy. “Kaam bol..” a usual reply from Maddy. “Want to talk” I said. “ladki kaun hai?” he asked. “Screw you man..” I replied. He laughed, I laughed. “Phone pe nahi..catch you in the evening” I said. “hmm..abhi phone kio kia fer? Chal..catch you in the evening” he replied and we disconnected.

“So..” Maddy said. “nothing” I replied. He gave me a hard look. “She is a nice girl” I said. “So..” he said again. “So..she is a great girl” I said. “problem kya hai fer?” Maddy said. “No where..I just don’t know how she feels..” I replied. “then ask her..mera time bhool gya?” Maddy said. “hmm..” I replied lame. “Kya hmm..you like her..it means..she is seriously a nice girl..so..call her and ask her..simple..” Maddy said. “simple” I teased mimicking him. He hit me a punch. “Chal call kar..” Maddy said again offering his cellphone. “I have one too..” I said and dialed her number. “Hey..how are you? Yeah am fine too..wanted to talk to you..ok..ok..in half an hour? Fine..” I disconnected. “What happened? Mana kar diya” Maddy teased me. “You really want that..you devil..” I grinned. “she said..she’ll call me after half an hour” I replied. “chal fer sadar bazaar ki gedi maarke aate hain..” Maddy said.

“oyee..ek ghanta ho gya..no call from her side..come on..call her” Maddy said. “okei..okei..dialling..” I said. As soon as I took my phone in my hands, my phone beeped with message tone. “It’s her” I said in excitement. “So..kya sandesh hai?” Maddy asked curiously. I read and handed my cellphone to Maddy. He laughed and did’nt stopped and kept laughing. People were staring at him as he has gone insane. However, it does’nt matter what other people think when you behave like a mad man, thing is, your close friend just got screwed. “So, any reply for this?” Maddy asked. “hmmm..I have one..” I replied. “Really? Itni buri nahi ho sakti yaar kisi ke sath..” Maddy said and was still laughing. I snatched my cellphone and replied to her text “congrats girl..jeondi vasdi reh..rabb tenu munda deve..” and pressed the send button. Maddy was looking at me and as soon as that text got delivered, he snatched my cell phone and had a look what I replied. He read and rolled on the floor laughing. After coming back to his senses he said “you are sick..ye kya reply tha..”. “What should I have said then?” I replied. Maddy was speechless and hugged me.

End of episode 2..

Episode 1 (Story at other end):

“How am I looking?” She asked to shweta. “As usual..beautiful..but I just want to ask a thing..why?” shweta asked. “Even I don’t know..I think he’ll say everything today..” she replied. “What’s the purpose of these things now..you are getting engaged next month..” shweta asked again. “But..I want to meet him one last time..I know he took years to ask me out..how can I deny him..” she replied. “It’s not right..you should have told him over the phone..he’ll get upset..” shweta said. “But..I really want to meet him..one last time..you know how much I like him..” she said with tears in her eyes. “So..you should have told him that..whole picture could be different.” shweta scolded. “I know..I made a mistake..but usse kehna chahiye tha pehle..and I could not handle the rejection..you know that” she said and a tear fell from her eye. Shweta hugged her and said “it’s ok..nothing can be done now..everything is set..all I want to say is..go there with a smile and don’t spoil anything..ok?” shweta consoled her. “yeah..I know..I’ll keep that in mind..” she replied.

“Hey..before you say anything Maddy..I want to tell you something” she said. “Really? What?” Maddy asked. “I am getting engaged next month..am happy” she said.

End of episode 1 (Story at other end)..

Episode 2 (Story at other end):

“texting? Come on yaar..iss time..ussi ko na?” karuna asked her. “hmm..kya karu? I can’t let him wait more..” she replied. “Achha..I told you already that if he is not able to spill his heart out..you can say everything to him..but you..” karuna said in anger. “yeah..I know..but yaar..you know him..does he ever sounded serious? never..” she replied. “I know..but you also know that there was something special between you two..you should have ask him..” karuna said. “Nothing can be done now karuna..I have to wrap up everything now..” she said with a heavy heart. “What you gonna say to him now?” karuna asked. “I don’t know..I can’t talk to him face to face..I can’t handle this..I’ll text him..” she said. “What?..a text? I don't agree..hmm..do what you want to do..” karuna asked. She texted. “so, what you wrote in there?” karuna asked in a low tone. “prince..sorry I could’nt pick your phone..actually ladke wale dekhne aye huye hain yaha..and I think mom dad likes the guy..so there may be a news..even I like him too..chal catch ya later..cya..tc..” she replied. Her mobile beeped. “reply?” karuna asked. “yeah..see..I told you..he is never serious..” she said and handed her cellphone to karuna. “Or kya kahega? He wants you to stay happy..” Karuna said with moist eyes.

End of episode 2 (Story at other end)..

The stories could have been changed. It’s just a matter of courage, words and timing. And it’s seriously not the matter of hearing YES or NO. We don’t know what future holds for us, but we can at least try to design it. Regretting things..hurt more. 

Mammaaa..

Few days ago..my dad lost his mother (my grandma)..I don’t know exactly how he is feeling..but this post is totally dedicated to him and my grandma..

She carried me in her..for 9 months..she protected me when I was just an infant..she fed me when I did’nt know how to survive..she took care of my hygiene..she taught me to speak my first word..she taught me to sit, crawl, stand and walk..she woke me up for the school..she taught me all my subjects..she washed my uniform..she taught me how to tie shoe laces..she taught me how to make my hair..she hide sweets and chocolates from me to prevent tooth pain..she sacrificed her sleep for my sleep..she did’nt eat so that I can eat properly..she did’nt wore new dresses as she saved every penny to buy me a new dress on my birthday..she slapped me when I disobeyed elders..she narrated me bed time stories..she listened to all my illogical stories with a smile..she took me in her arms whenever I get afraid from a dog..she taught me how to behave socially..she taught me how to share my things with others..she burnt night oil when I fell ill..she worried for me when I was away from home..she took my side whenever dad scold me..she took care of my diet when I prepared for my exams..she was there when I topped in my exams..she scolded me whenever I talked long over mobile phone..she scolded me when I watched TV late night..she scolded me when I refused to drink milk..she prayed for me for every success..she motivated me when I was not doing well..she took advise for me from whole world to design my career..she was at seventh sky when I got my first job..she was worried for a right girl for me..she was very happy to see me getting married..she took care of me even after I had a wife..she was always there when I felt sad..she had a magical lap to inspire me every time I failed in my life..

She left..

Who will love me like her..who will protect me from all of my pains..who will cook food for me as she did..who will motivate me to achieve everything what I deserve..who will sacrifice everything for me as she did..where I’ll go when I would feel lonely and tired..where I’ll find her lap to sleep like a child again..

Be a Man

"You are a boy, why are you crying like a girl? what will you do in future if you'll behave like this..Be a Man" A most common line which, I think, every guy next door has listened many times. Whenever a male starts understanding the difference between both the genders, he is told that his gender is physically stronger and he has to take care of the opposite one. But no one puts an asterisk on the statement. "Strong" only refers to physically strong not mentally strong. So, why can't a guy cry, if he loses his job, he loses his parents, he loses his love and even if he is in acute pain. However, "Don't cry like a girl..you are the one who has to understand..who will take care of another.." is the dialogue heard from the people showing sympathy.

I have never noticed any girl offering her seat in public transportation to a male who is very old or suffering from a fracture in his leg or not feeling well or seriously ill. Do all the norms of offering seat to a healthy female are to be followed by us? Or it dosn't matter if we have only one leg or more than two..

We also work in our offices, we also love our children, we also have to take lunch, so why should we obey "Ladies First Principle". However, "ladies first" is just a chivalry given to a women in need.

"We do not provide PGs or Flats to Bachelor guys" I just want to know the reasons behind this lame clause. Do bachelor guys look so desperate? do we ask for the discount in the rent? are we that much handsome that your girl will be attracted to us or are we illiterate that we'll not understand your language.

"Bhaiya mere rakhi ke bandhan ko nibhana" I am still confused how bhaiya of age 5 will look out of bandhan for 15 year behan? Are we born superman or we acquire super powers whenever our sisters get into any trouble. There is no promise from the elder sisters to their younger brothers that i'll help you whenever you are in trouble. Elder sisters did not save us from a biting dog, a horrible looking cockroach, etc etc..

We also work for 8 hours in the office, as females do. So, why are they getting paid more than us? Do we bunk office? Do we take more time to take lunch as we are always busy in chit chat about how funny is she looking in her dress today? why they are exempted from tax more than us? Are we the only smugglers?  Do the value of rupee is more in our case? Do we run on water only?

"No helmet on your head? Beta, chalaan to katega hi.." Chandigarh police to a guy, I know, it is a protocol to wear helmet while driving but don't you think it is gender discrimination as helmets are not compulsory for a female. How weird? Do they have iron head? Are they real world iron women? Is there any danger to a concrete road if they by chance fall from their vehicle? Or government takes care of their hairstyle?

I am not raising any question on the other gender nor I want any sympathy for our community. And its not the matter of being a girl or a boy. I just want to highlight certain things which get trumped in my head (i think every male's head) at certain instances. We are raised in the way to respect women and we do respect. But, we, sometime are not as strong as we seem. We do get hurt, we do cry, however, we do not show as it is a matter of "Being a Man".

feelings @50 paise/min

"Bhai..main bilkul thik hu..peene ke baad kuchh yaad hi nahi rehta.." Karan said. "What? Are you drunk karan?" Yuvi asked. "Nope..I did'nt..I just tried" karan replied. "Is there anyone with you?" Yuvi asked again. "No..I'm still alone yaar yuvi..can you come?" karan cried. "You ass..you are really drunk..I'm coming to you tomorrow..now go back to your room and sleep..ok?" yuvi yelled. "Ok bhai..but tu aaja yaar..mann nahi lag raha.." karan said in a fainting voice.

This story is another normal Love Story which is still unended. It can't be said that every word of it is true, however, the story is also not fictitious.

"You are the best couple, I have ever seen in my life" Yuvi said to karan and kritika. Karan blushed and kritika laughed. Karan was a shy, simple and genius boy, who just knew to do everything to make kritika happy every time. Kritika was also a beautiful and intelligent girl. Yuvi met karan and kritika in gurgaon, where three of them  joined an IT firm together. Karan and kritika were together from the second year of their college and the intimation between the two grew exponentially with time. Karan always said "If god, ever give me a choice to live again..I'll chose another life with kritika". Yuvi could'nt understand the deepness of the thought as he never believed in the love thing. All he always said "Friendship is the nerve of life, Love is just a complication".

One day, yuvi and karan were having their lunch together and kritika was in her training class. "How everything started between you and kritika?" Yuvi asked. Karan blushed. "I don't know exactly..we used to spend time together and we are together since then.." karan said and smiled like a child. "So, why u like..sorry..you love kritika so much?" Yuvi asked again. "I know..I know..you don't believe in love..but you can atleast say the word" karan taunted. "Screw you..don't change the issue.." Yuvi grinned. "ok..ok..I love everything..her smile..her hair..her words..how she calls me..how she cares for me..her nature..her.." karan was saying when yuvi interrupted and said "bas bas..samajh gya..you are a dead man..really" and both laughed. Yuvi knew that kritika is lifeline for karan and was happy to see them together.

"So, do you like someone now?" kritika asked yuvi. Karan was not with them as he had to go to his home to attend some occasion with his family. Yuvi looked at kritika and asked "what do you think? do i like someone?". "I have no idea..I asked just like that..?" kritika said looking away from yuvi. Yuvi smiled and said sarcastically "Tu bhi na..nakchadhi hai..itna nakhra achha nahi..karan ko complaint karni padegi". "Yeah...go on..I am not afraid of him.." she said and both laughed. "So, how much you love karan?" yuvi asked seriously. Yuvi wanted to know the reaction of kritika on this note too, as he knew the position of karan. "mmm..he is a nice guy..only a lucky girl can have him..he is caring..smart..intelligent.." kritika said. Yuvi was happy to see the same reaction. "So, you guys talked to your parents about this?" Yuvi asked. "Naah..but we will soon" she said with a broad smile.

The training was of about 6 months. After spending 4 months together, the bonding between the three friends became stronger. "What? You gotta kidding me mom..how can that happen? i was not a bit serious..ok..ok..I'll think about it" yuvi said and hung up his phone. "what happened? everything ok at home?" karan asked. "Yeah..everything is ok..dad wants me to join his business now.." yuvi said in a low tone. "So, what are you thinking? Will you join?" kritika asked. "I have to..dad said..he needs help as he is expanding his business.." yuvi said. "hmm..so you should go and join him" karan said an expected reply. "why? why can't he live as he wants? they should ask about his interest too.." kritika said. There was a long silence. Besides thinking about going home and joining his dad's business yuvi was thinking about the difference in the ideas of his friends who were madly in love with each other. "You complete each other" yuvi said and smiled to break the ice. All of the three smiled and kritika tapped my head with her book.

Yuvi decided to join his dad's business and left the firm. Besides the distance, yuvi always called his friends and talk to them about what's happening with their job and life. "Yuvi..I need to talk to you" yuvi read text in his cellphone and called karan instantly. "What happened? Is kritika ok?" yuvi asked. "Yeah..she is perfect..actually it's about me.." karan asked. "Speak up then" yuvi said and continued his daily business work. "Actually yuvi yaar..ek problem hai..I have got posting in bangalore and kritika has to join in gurgaon itself" karan asked sadly. "What? So, is this mandatory for you to join there?” yuvi asked leaving his work. "Yeah..I have to go there..but I do not want to..I do not want to leave kritika here..I tried to talk to my HR but she denied every possibilty" karan said slowly. "hmm..chal..ab join to karna padega..its a job..you talked to kritika?" yuvi asked. "yeah..she also said the same thing..its a job and you should go and join there" karan not happy to say that. Finally, after some time karan agreed to join in bangalore.

Now the three friends were in the three different parts of the nation and only the mode of communication was, their cellphones. The conversation between the three were reduced from hours to days and from days to weeks. Yuvi got busy in his business so badly that he called both of his friends occasionally. But, the conversation between karan and kritika continued in the same manner.

After few months, one late night, yuvi find his cellphone ringing with karan’s name on it. He picked and said "saale..aa gai yaad tujhe?". Karan did'nt replied. "Hello? Karan..you there?" Yuvi asked again. "Yeah..I'm here" karan said in a sad voice. "What happened karan? everything ok? kritika ok?" yuvi said. Karan hung up the cellphone. Yuvi tried calling him up but he did'nt picked. Next morning, yuvi tried again and karan picked up the call. "You moron..what happened to you? atleast you can answer your damn phone.." yuvi yelled. "Sorry yaar..I annoyed you..but yaar baat hi kuchh aisi thi.." karan said. "What happened karan? for the god's sake..puke it out" yuvi said. "She left yaar,,kritika left me" karan cried. "What? You gotta kidding me? She can't do that..don't you dare make me fool" yuvi said astonished. "She just left me" karan continued crying. Yuvi asked the reasons for the same. "A couple of months ago, everything was fine between us..she insisted to talk to her parents..and we did..in the beginning my parents denied but i convinced them..her parents did not had any problem..everything was going great..but all of a sudden..she said I don't feel anything for you now..she is not picking up my phone..she is not interested in talking to me..she avoids me and now she said not to call her up..how is this possible..do you think that I can live without talking to her..I can't concentrate in my job..I can't eat my food..I just can't do a damn thing without her..what has happened to her feelings now? do feelings have conditions? do feelings come with a validity?.. I am not able to understand..you say what should I do? karan said everything with tears in his eyes. Yuvi fell and was hurt. Yuvi was right that love just complicates the life. "Its ok..its ok..there must be something..wait..I'll call kritika and will ask her about everything..you just stay stable..everything will be fine.."yuvi said.

Yuvi called kritika. "Hey yuvi! hows you? long time..hh" kritika said as she did'nt knew that karan explained everything to him. "Am alright..you say..how's everything? hows karan?" yuvi asked in reply. "I am fine..karan is also fine" kritika said slowly. "Are you sure that you both are fine?" yuvi asked strongly. "Yes..why? why are your asking this?" kritika asked. "karan called up" yuvi said. "Oh..so he called up..and what did he said?" she asked. "You say..what's going on? what exactly had happened?" yuvi replied. "I also have no idea about what's happening these days with me..everything was going fine..we talked to our parents and they agreed..my parents are calling me up continously to fix our engagement date..but yuvi yaar..I am not ready for it now..I explained everything to karan also..he understood..but my parents are increasing pressure on me..you say what should I do..I am still not mature enough to handle such a responsibility.." kritika said slowly. "hmm..but what happened between you and karan? did he said anything to you?" yuvi asked again. "Naah..he said nothing to me..but now..I JUST NOT WANT TO BE WITH HIM..I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING FOR HIM" kritika said and stopped. "What? All of a sudden? Any reasons?" yuvi asked. "I can't explain yuvi..It just happened..I know he is a nice guy..but i don't feel anything for him now..feelings are just ended" Kritika said strongly. "But there should be some reason..feelings can not just vaporize.." Yuvi argued. "Yuvi..you are saying this? This thing is out of your scope..Leave this topic..ok" irritated kritika said. "I know..I am a guy who don't understand these things..but what I know is Karan loves u more than anything..he won't live without you..and I have no other issue to discuss this time.." Yuvi said in anger. "I'm sorry yuvi but I can't help..I have to go to office early so will talk to you later" Kritika said and hung up. Yuvi could'nt beleive what just happened. He was shocked.

Yuvi, then, did every possible thing to make karan happy. Yuvi knew that kritika will not be back with karan and with time karan also realized the same. But yuvi knew that karan still loves kritika and will not be able to forget her. He also knew that karan is fighting with himself and acting as if everything is normal now.

March 2012..
"Bhai..main bilkul thik hu..peene ke baad kuchh yaad hi nahi rehta.." Karan said. "What? Are you drunk karan?" Yuvi asked. "Nope..I did'nt..I just tried" karan replied. "Is there anyone with you?" Yuvi asked again. "No..I'm still alone yaar yuvi..can you come?" karan cried. "You ass..you are really drunk..I'm coming to you tomorrow..now go back to your room and sleep..ok?" yuvi yelled. "Ok bhai..but tu aaja yaar..mann nahi lag raha.." karan said in a fainting voice. Yuvi booked the next flight to bangalore to accompany his friend.

Words from:

Prince Dildar Singh

erprincedildar@gmail.com

(Please leave comments as your footprints here)

house with red doors..

"I can see my face clearly in the drizzled glass of my window. I have changed a lot since I left my home. Was it a destiny? I am not sure. People do believe in heaven and hell. I have seen both of them just in 22 years of my life" (Knocking on the door) "Should I again go for it?"

Few years back..
"Mom..I don't want to eat this thing.." I said. She scolded me again and I was forced to eat. "When will dad reach today" I asked again, slipping a big morsel of my diet to stuffy (my dog). "I just called him and he is on the way.." Mom said. I heard the sound of horn and left the dining table to open the door. Mom scolded me again and asked me to have my lunch. She opened the door. "Where's my doll?" Dad asked for me. "Here..eating delicious food (sarcastically)" I said. "Happy B'day bachey" He wished and hugged me. I was very happy. (Door Bell rang again) "It's Bhaiyaa" I shouted and opened the door again. "Happy B'day to you.." He sung and handed me a big gift box. "What's inside it?" I asked with a surprise. "See it yourself" He said. I opened it and it was a beautiful dress.
Dad called everyone and said "Get ready..We all are going out". It was a wonderful day.

Next Day, I hugged my mom and left for my college. I missed my college bus, so I hired a taxi as I was getting very late. One the way, driver stopped the taxi and offered a ride to another man. I asked him not to allow that person in but he said that the stranger was his nephew. I don't know what happened on the way but when I opened my eyes, I was not in college, not at my home, not at hospital. It was a dark smelly room with no windows and a single door.

I was terrified like anything. I screamed, I bang the door, did every possible thing for help but no one heard me. A man came in, threw some food over the table and then locked the door from outside again. It was clear to me that I was kidnapped.

Day passed. I was still afraid. It was a same routine. One day, the same man came in, I shouted to let me go. But he just ignored me and went out. I was confused. I had no idea, why they have kidnapped me. I was thinking my dad will come and will take me away. But, no one came, no one.

One day, another man came in and asked me to leave that place with him. "Am I going home?" I asked. "No, mine" He said and left the room. I denied. The regular man, who used to give me food, came in and tortured me to leave the place with the former man. I had no choice. I left the place and adjusted myself in a taxi with him. The taxi was kept on running for more than 3-4 hours continuously. I collected myself and asked that where we were heading. He kept silent. I asked about the place where I was, he kept his silence again. The taxi stopped. He motioned me to enter into a house with many number of windows, lighting and all the doors, red on color. I had no idea, where I was. A woman came out, handed over two bundles of bills to the man and asked me to go into the house. Man left with his taxi. Now, I knew where I was. I yelled and tried to run away. But I failed again.

I refused to eat and drink. They tortured me day and night. I was so terrified that I could'nt even sleep for several nights. One dark night, a man came into my room. He said I have paid for you and I can do whatever I want. He spoiled me that night. I cried, I screamed, I weeped. No one came for me. "where are you dad?, where are you bhaiya?, where are you mom? why are you not listening to me? why are you not stopping everything happening to me? why?" No one was there to answer my questions.

Nights passed and I was continuously forced to kill my soul. And one day, I understood that all doors are closed besides the red door of this house, from where any man can come in, pay for me and rape me.

With time, I made some friends and felt that, same thing has happened to them also. One day, the eldest women of the house asked me to go for shopping with her. I tried to refuse, but I wanted to go out as I did'nt left the house from past 2-3 years. She had to buy some clothes for her and another girls living in that house, including me. "Do you know any good place here to buy clothes" She asked. "I don't know which city is it?” I said. "Kolkata dear" She said and smiled. I nodded but did'nt smiled. I hate to smile. "I think there is the place where we can buy clothes" She said and held me hand to cross the road. It was a nice showroom. We entered and she got busy in buying the stuff. I was standing outside the shop and was looking at the people in nearby shops.

"How’s it mom? Will it look good on her?” He asked to his mom. The voice seemed to be familiar. It was him. It was my brother. My heart sank. I was about to shout his name but I was chocked. A flashback of what happened to me and I stopped myself to go near. I think he was shopping for his marriage. Then I saw my mother crying. He was consoling her. "Dad always said not to cry" He said. I looked for my dad. But he was not with them. "If your dad and sister were alive today, they would have been very happy to see you getting married" She said. My dad passed away. Tears were flowing like a waterfall.

"I am alive mom..I am alive bhaiya..please take me home..I don't want to spend any more days in hell..I want to live with you..I will not demand anything..I will sacrifice everything for your happiness..I want to attend my brother's wedding..I want to sing..I want to dance..I want to complete my graduation..I want to play with stuffy..I want to get married..I want to hug you dad..I want to stay happy..I want to smile again" I said everything to me and decided not to go near them. I wanted them to stay happy. I did not want to affect their life. They believed, I was dead and I was happy being dead.

today..
(Knocking on the door again) I stood and opened the red door again.

Words from:

Prince Dildar Singh

erprincedildar@gmail.com

tangible illusion..

I am again with her and she is with me,

there is chaos but her eyes, do not let me see..

I am feeling blessed and complete,

life is no more sour, it is sweet..

Day has not the dawn and night has no eve,

if you are away, not next to me..

I feel the luckiest to see your smile,

will make it forever rather I die..

I am holding her hand and my head is still in her lap,

I know, this is my bestest nap..

All of a sudden, I was awake,

it was ten, ohh, I was late..

Aah God, you again made me see the same dream,

my eyes are still looking for her, as I remember the whole scene..

Something in me said, it was not dream, everything was real,

I am again closing my eyes, wish to feel her and go more near..

Words from:

Prince Dildar Singh

erprincedildar@gmail.com

I wanted to say "Sorry"

“So finally, got promotion and it's on my birthday..kids and geetu will be more than happy today..oh god! Thank you so much for everything..what else I want” I thought in my head and rang bell of my home. Geetu opened the door. I hugged her and then my kids. They wished me birthday. I was the happiest man on the earth. We went out and return in night. Before, going to my bed, I checked my mails placed at my desk. There was an old letter with a familiar hand writing addressing “To, My SUN“.

_______________________________________________________________________

"To

My SUN

                I wish my sunny a very happy birthday and may god bless you with all the happiness and prosperity. Son, I am sorry that I disturbed you, but I could not resist myself to wish you. I thought of calling you in day but did’nt as I thought, it may spoil your day. This is not at all about the decision you took for us. We are more than happy here. Sometimes we miss you all but then control ourselves. I am good and your dad is also doing fine. You know, he threw a party to all the kids residing here. He was very happy. He said “dear, I see my sunny in all these kids..it might be our bad karma that we are not that much lucky to live with my child..but am really happy that he is happy in his life (with moist eyes)”. I cooked your favorite food “Rajma Chawla” for everyone here

                It’s been three years from the day when we came here. Initially, we missed home but with time we adjusted here. Your dad and I made some new friends here. We chat with them and the day passes. Sometimes, we feel aloof, but then we sit under a mango tree (your favorite) and think about your childhood days. Moments revive us. Dad still writes with that pen, that you gifted him when you joined your first job. He feels proud to see it everyday. He says “I am proud that my son has achieved more than me and will achieve what he truly deserves”. This makes me proud of both of you. I am lucky that I’m married to him and more than luckiest to have you as my son.

                I think, I have taken more than enough time of yours writing many words. But I coud’nt control myself as I felt like talking to you. I hope everyone at home, geetu and my grand children are happy and healthy. We wish you luck and lots of happiness.

Sorry again & loads of love.

Your mom (Mamma)

2 March, 2008"

_______________________________________________________________________

The letter shook me from head-to-toe. “How can I forget them?  Why I did this to them?” The questions killed me every moment that night and I could not sleep. I wanted to talk about this with geetu but I could’nt. I decided that I’ll visit them next morning. I spend whole night thinking about next morning. 

Next day, I went to VRIDH ASHRAM which was 150 Kms away from my place, where my parents were residing or should I say, I made them to live there. I entered and saw many old people. Some were exercising, some were gardening, some were teaching and some were sitting on relaxing chair. I saw an old lady standing near a mango tree with some children. Her hair were full grey, spectacles on her eyes wearing blue khaddar saree. I ran, hugged her and started crying just like a child who returns from school after getting punished by teacher. She consoled and asked me, who am I. Yes, she was not her. She was not me mamma. I apologized and asked for my mother, in turn she asked for her name. I said, she is Parvati. She looked at me for a while and cried my name “sunny?”. I said, “Yes aunty ji, I am sunny..where is my mom?”.  She said, she is inside with your dad. “How are they? I am here to take them back. I am sorry for everything”. She smiled and said “say everything to your parents..they love you like anything..and still miss you”. The words made my eyelids more moist. I just wanted to meet them as early as possible.

“Come in..here they are..” She said. I entered and shattered. They were gone. They were gone far far away from me.  There was just a picture of both, hanging on a wall. I managed to go near it but could not managed myslef to even touch that it. “Had they done anything wrong or were they selfish parents? Why you put them in so much agony? You know they both died on the same night when your mother wrote some letter to you? I think it was your birthday..and you got your gift? They died near your picture” She said. I cried and cried like anything. “I have lost everything..I wanted to hug them..I wanted to say sorry.. I wanted to say sorry..” I cried.

Words from:

Prince Dildar Singh

erprincedildar@gmail.com

Nostalgia!

Yesterday, I was sitting on a cliff all alone,

Thinking about, what I lost what I won.

Revived my memories of all my years,

Did’nt know, when my eyes were full of tears.

Somethings made me happy, somethings made me sad,

Scolding of my mother and anger of my dad.

Learnt from my dad, how to walk,

Teachers taught me, how to talk.

Laughed out loud and I smiled again,

how I fought with my sister in every game.

Slapped myself and shook my head,

Buddies made me feel awesome, sometimes half dead.

Life did every possible joke and also gifted me,

Some surprises took my breath and astonished me.

I have no words to show my love for him,

I wish, in every life, I would be same and have same kin.

 

Words from:

Prince Dildar Singh

erprincedildar@gmail.com