Thursday, December 12, 2013

she still don't speak to me..

it's been a long time, i saw her in my sleep..
but i know she's somewhere in me..somewhere deep..

i'm feeling restless..i'm feeling incomplete..
my mind is somewhere..i'm going somewhere..no co-ordination with my feet..

and then, i see her again..sitting next to me..
my eyes into her eyes..in those..its me..i can see..

i want to forward my hand to hold her's..
but i'm afraid..i don't want to wake up..it'd be a curse..

"hey..i want to say something" i said..
but, she still don't speak to me..making me dead..

though, i can read her eyes..i know what she wants to say..
she'll say something..i'm waiting for that day..

still,i dont have any complaint..
this picture of her..i really want to paint..

i see her face then see into the sky..
thinking..will she be with me..will be my life..

i turned to her..and was about to say my line..
she stopped me..it's not the time..

but she still don't speak to me..
i'll wait for her words..that will set me free..

Saturday, August 10, 2013

I couldn't feel and it couldn't heal..

I searched cities..I searched towns..
Every forest..every mountain..up and down..
But I couldn't feel and it couldn't heal..

I flew..I traveled..I strayed..
Never missed a chance..to ever get played..
But I couldn't feel and it couldn't heal..

I spent a lot, to buy it..everywhere..
I showed hatred..I showed care..
But I couldn't feel and it couldn't heal..

I smoked every cigarette..drank every wine..
Pushed myself to cross every line..
But I couldn't feel and it couldn't heal..

I opened my arms..I closed my eyes..
Told truths..told lies..
But I couldn't feel and it couldn't heal..

I looked for it..by myself..
Even I asked for it..from the god itself..
But I couldn't feel and it couldn't heal..


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Friday, August 2, 2013

Shit happens for good?

I was missing my writing from last several months. Sometimes, what you don’t expect, it happens and you really don’t know how to move out of that. Well, I am sitting in my balcony looking outside and exploring my head about all the things about which I really wanted to puke out my words over a paper. I am sitting here since morning but no idea knocked into my head. I am still in an enigma and trying to come out of the illusion, which I thought to be real. I really want to write about that but I cannot or to be precise “I should not”.

I think I know, about what I should write this time.

I am really confused about two very famous phrases these days. First, “What happens, happens for good” and other “Shit happens”. Two thoughts highly contrast in meaning. But one thing in common, both are used to cheat ourselves. Whenever something wrong screw us up, we sit, close our eyes and use either of the damn phrases. People I don’t comprehend, how happening of shit is good? I discussed with several beings. Everyone has own perception. Conclusion being, you can’t control your destiny. And there, there’s the origin of new cruel word “Destiny”. Wow!

Destiny, “is she bitch?” or “she’s darling?” Something uncontrolled happening in your life, tag it with the name of destiny. If there’s happiness, she is darling otherwise she’s bitch. I must say, we, human beings, have very interesting techniques to sink out our frustration. Well, I don’t believe in her. Moreover, I consider her an innocent girl, who has not committed anything wrong but always get punished with hard words, if someone screws someone.

But from where these things are taking birth in the grey part of our heads. Almost, everyone believes that if we’ll do something wrong, an invisible power will punish us, who resides in heaven but controls all the entries to hell. Yeah, The God! Another means, being used by human beings to cover their mistakes, to make an excuse if they have not got spine to do what they cannot. “Shayd Bhagwan ko yahi manzoor tha..!”, “I don’t know what to do now, let the god decide”, “I’ll pray that the god will lead us to right path”, “I don’t know whether it is right or wrong, let the god decide himself” I bet everyone has heard of these phrases and I am sure, we all have used some of these at some situations, when we  totally lost our minds.

Guys, breaking news, The God has already blessed you with a 350 gm gift right in your head. Please start using that. It’s not gonna used up. Don’t blame him every time for everything and shout for his help, even if you’re struck in some traffic. He’s not gonna make another road for your car. He has millions of other useful things to deal with.


I know, I have used harsh words this time and even the words I should use in writing. No apologies for that. Life is what you make it. No one controls it. There’s no destiny, if you don’t know which way to go. There’s no God, if you don’t believe in yourself.



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Monday, July 8, 2013

without a title

It was raining and I was standing on the road in front of my home, trying to see someone in the drizzle. She was coming to me. I was neither surprised nor anxious, neither happy nor sad. But, I just missed my heartbeat. She came to me. She was wearing black jeans, black top with pink colored cotton jacket over it. The most beautiful girl, I have ever seen. “What are you looking at? Let’s move” She said holding my hand. “What?” I asked and missed another heartbeat. I walked with her without any further question. She took me to one of the house on the same road. She handed over some keys to a lady and we left. In no time, we were again at the same place, where we met first. Road was full of water but the level of the water was such that we could see our feet in it. “Where are your shoes?” She asked with a bright smile. I looked here and there and found that my shoes were floating away. She laughed and I smiled. “Run. Get those” she said bending her head slightly towards left. Missed another heartbeat. I ran. “got ya” I said the moment i got my shoes.  Thereafter, I started walking towards her, looking at her. She was smiling looking more than gorgeous. Missed heartbeat again. I don’t know why, the way between us was unending. I was putting my best efforts to be near to her. At last, I reached there and then took her in my arms and wanted to take her to some special place. I was looking at her and she was looking into my eyes. Everything was complete. It was still raining. And there was lightning and thunder. I woke up. It was again a dream. But this time, we talked. I jumped out from my bed and went to the balcony and it was raining outside.



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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

for the longest time (cover)

if you said good-bye to me tonight..
there would still be music left to write..
what else could I do? I'm inspired by you!

If you don’t have words for me..
There would still be dreams left to see..
What else could I do? I’m impressed by you!

If you said good-luck to me tonight..
There would still be strings to play..
What else could I do? I’m touched by you!

If you don’t have thoughts for me..
There would still be smile left to glee..
What else could I do? I’m influenced by you!

If you said so-long to me tonight..
There would still be song to sing..
What else could I do? I’m driven by you!

If you have never felt anything for me..
There would still be melody left to listen..
What else could I do? I’m awed by you!

For the longest time..
if you said good-bye to me tonight..
there would still be hope left to live..
what else could I do? I'm inspired by you!
that hasn't happened for the longest time..

Sunday, June 9, 2013

train to home..

Yes, I don’t like travelling in train, but if you have no choice, you have to do all those things, which you never want to. As, train is the only best mode of travelling between the two cities, between which I had to travel, so I took my laptop out to book a seat. After spending many hours on the railway website, I felt blessed when I got a 2nd seating ticket in a train.

People lying on floor, kids playing here and there, lots of cargo over floor and many hawkers shouting to sell their products, a common scene that can be viewed at any railway station. Luckily, train was at right time. I boarded and looked for my seat and as expected someone already was sitting there. “Uncle ji, this is my seat, can you please?” I requested. “hanji hanji, aapki hi seat hai..aao” he replied. I filled the seat with all of my stuff and managed myself to accommodate there too. Journey was for about four hours, so I connected earphones to my mobile phone and tried to have a nap listening to the playlist and to kill the travelling hours, which is the best way to spend journey in trains.

After about an hour, a family of four, boarded and took berth, right in front of my seat. The family included a father, a mother and two young boys of age around 10-11 years. After, sometime, they started having their lunch and asked me, if I want to join them. “thanks a lot sir, I am fine” I replied. The father smiled and joined his family to share the food.

Couple of hour’s journey was still left. Both the kids were tired and asked their mother, if they can sleep and then placed their heads in her lap. In a moment they were slept. When the mother knew that both the kids are now lost in dreams, what she did was, she left her seat and arranged both of the kids, so that they can sleep sound. She was standing just next to the berth having a sharp eye on her children, if they are alright. Their father, who was sitting next to me stood up and asked her wife to sit in his place. The father then took the place of the mother. I was observing each and everything.

After sometime, the mother called her husband and said “aap thak gaye honge, please sit here and take some rest”. “I am totally fine, keep sitting” he replied with a smile. But, she insisted more and the father took the seat. The mother again went to the same spot. “Please mam, sit here” I said to the mother. “Arre nahi nahi..I am totally fine” she replied. I stood up and insisted her to take my seat. “I am tired of sitting, I’ll take a round, please sit here” I insisted again. She smiled and took my seat. I went to the nearby door, still listening to the songs, but my eyes were still on the family. The mother was also tired, so she was slept as soon as she observed that her children are sleeping fine, placing her head over her husband’s shoulder. The whole family was perfect. At regular intervals, parents were checking for the safety of their children. They were sacrificing everything for both of them.

I was still standing at the same door, lost in thoughts. The children had no idea what their parents were doing for them. And, parents were doing everything for them without any expectations. All parents have done the same thing. But most of the children are unaware of the sacrifices, their parents have made. With time, children become teenagers and teenagers turn into matured men and women. They learn many things, from all the etiquette to whole of the rocket science. But what they keep on forgetting is what they are and they will be, is just because of the efforts and sacrifices made by their parents. They can’t even bear when their parents ask or say something. Laughter on their questions or statements, ignorance to their presence, shouting over their work and many more things are used by the children to hurt the feelings of their parents. However, children forget that these were the parents who answered their each and every question, whether logical or illogical. They forget how their parents carry them in their laps when they cried, laughed, slept. So, how do they ask the same parents to leave their own home and live in some old age home.

The train stopped and I looked outside, it was my station. I didn’t know when my eyes got moist. I went to my seat, grabbed all my stuff and was about to leave. “thank you so much beta, god bless you always” both the mother and father said. I had no words, “you’re welcome” I managed to reply.

I took an auto from outside of the station and reached my home. I entered and as usual my mother knew I am home now. I hugged her and said “thank you, I love you”. She hugged me back tightly as if she knew what I was thinking at that time. “I love you too” she replied with a smile.



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Sunday, April 21, 2013

dream with destiny..

It was like another day..
I was with my books..eyes were on the pages.
Suddenly..heart-beat up..why?  I looked up straight..

I saw her..Coming at me..
Not a single expression on her face..
She saw me..Again, no expressions..and she was gone..

What happened to me? Seriously..I had no idea..
I couldn’t remind what I was reading..and couldn’t forgot her face..
Was that effect of movies? Or someone was really playing violins around me..

The days followed..I’m still unsure about my condition..
I saw her laughing..I saw her smiling..I saw her crying..
All the shades of her..

First time..when I saw her..her expressionless face was unforgettable..
And then..her all shades..
Made me totally lost..where was I?

She said no words to me..ever..
But I think..i knew, how her voice would sound..
She was a silent movie for me..made me happy, when happy..made me sad, when sad..

Never opened my mind to anyone..
I was like that..I regret..
Will never get any chance..to share any words with her..i knew..

Wait.. What? Did she just talk to me?
Naah..that was a dream..yeah! was it?
Still unsure..but it is the best time..i can ever have..

I am still not sure..what should I say..
And what I should not..
In first time of my life..I am out of words..

I was not a flowers n hearts guy..
I never felt something from heart..
But she’s magician..she stole me..from me..

Will we be on the same path?
Unlucky or lucky..what I’ll be?
What I know is..I’m somebody else now..because of her..

These moments..
I wish..not to be passed..
but what i am sure of is..
everything is destiny..destiny is surprise.. destiny is darling!



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Saturday, April 13, 2013

the last night..


kab tak ayega nare?, waiting from last twenty minutes..hadd hai” vibhu was shouting over amit on his mobile phone. “He’s not even left his room, I’m pretty much sure..har baar ka drama hai iska” I said loud, so that my words would reach amit clearly. And after 10 minutes more, amit joined us for the trip to shimla. It was 5.30 in evening and the best weather to go out. As usual we left unplanned.

Best trips are never planned” I said to worried vibhu who was asking about where we’ll be spending the night. He smiled and winked at amit, who was texting to someone, of course, his girlfriend. But, I was enjoying the driving, roads, curves, beauty of the nature. Vibhu was as usual lost in his business over his phone. And finally, both joined the ride and me, saying goodbye to their connections.

Spending the time in eating, drinking, photo shooting, we reached kasauli at 9 pm. It was raining cats and dogs. It was very difficult to drive in that heavy rain. We had no idea, where we were heading and which route to follow. So, we decided to stop and ask someone, where we can spend the night. We saw a canopy by the road. We stopped and I went out to ask. He was an old man, with thick glasses on his eyes selling some tobacco stuff. “Baba, which place is this?” I asked. He looked up expressionless, looked for a while into my eyes, as if he knew who am I and continued to do his work, without any word. “Baba, aas paas koi jagah hai jaha hum ruk sakein?” I tried again. He again looked at me, expressionless, and denied with his face gestures, that there is no place to stay here. I looked at vibhu and amit, who were still sitting in car and waved them, there is no place. The moment I started walking towards the car, “Don’t stay here, leave as early as possible, it’s a no human land" the old man said. I turned as if he called my name and looked at him. He was still busy in his work. I had no idea, what he was doing here, and that in heavy rain.

So, guys..what should we do?” I asked adjusting myself to the driver seat and not saying a word what that old man said. “Let’s drive ahead and search for some place, ourselves” amit said. “Maine pehle hi kaha tha, plan something!” vibhu said in irritation. “Don’t worry buddy, it’s experience, we’ll drive slow and will look out for some place for sure” I said not looking at vibhu. We drove for about 10-15 minutes and suddenly vibhu shouted “Stop the car!”. “What?” I asked. “There, look, I think there’s a lodge, we can ask for a room there” He said. I stopped the car. “Go then, ask if there is some room there” I said. “Me? No way..I am not going, it’s amit’s turn” Vibhu said. “Kaam kar apna..main nahi ja raha” amit said. And it began again, whose turn it was. While they were busy in “who’s turn is this” fighting, I peeped my face outside to look at the lodge. It was old, untidy, with a big banyan tree on it’s left and seemed to be horror in that heavy rain. “Have you decided, who’s going?” I asked. “Yes! Amit is going” vibhu said. “fine, then” amit said and moved out of the car. The moment he looked at the lodge, he lost his confidence. “Main nahi ja rahe akele..koi sath chalo..” he said to me. I looked at vibhu. “Hadd hai..it was his turn, never mind, I’ll go..fattu kahi ka” vibhu replied in irritation. “Am waiting in car, engine is still running, in any case, you know” I replied with a weird smile. “Damn you!” both said.

When they were in the lodge, I was still looking at the surroundings of the cottage. Heavy rain, thunderstorm, lightning, a perfect horror movie location. Finally, both returned. “Chalo, we got a room, but it’s quite big” vibhu said. “great then” I said and parked the car along the boundary of the lodge and we three entered. At reception, there was another old man, lost in his work, wearing thick glasses and khadi blazer. He stood up, never looking up and handed over the key to amit. “Thank you  baba” I said with a smile. He looked up, expressionless, into my eyes not saying a single word. “What’s wrong with this place or what’s wrong with me” I thought in my head.

Perfect, I’ll take sofa” I said and jumped on it. The room was really very big and much tidy. There was a double bed with white sheets, a long sofa, and white curtains over two windows, a mirror and a balcony. As soon as, I looked at balcony, I went out. It was the back side of the lodge. There was a mountain, a river, and lots of trees. I looked back at room and both of them were adjusting themselves at the bed, opening bottles of beer. “Hey bhagwan! Ho gye chalu” I muttered. “Grow up bro..” vibhu said and laughed. “haan haan, otherwise I’ll never grow up” I replied and  laid down in the sofa. “Enjoy guys! I am tired..see you tomorrow” I said and closed my eyes covering myself with a white sheet.

Please bhai, don’t, let me sleep, I’m still tired” I said, not opening my eyes when one of them was sprinkling cold water on my face. “Stop!” I shouted and opened my eyes. No one was there. I was not at my sofa. I was astonished. “Where am I?” I whispered. And I found myself, sitting at the edge of balcony, with my legs hanging out of the balcony. “How did I come here?” I was afraid. I looked inside room, everything was fine, and both of my friends were sleeping sound. I came back to the room, thinking about what just happened, sitting on my sofa. In no time, I was slept again.

Water was touching my feet. It was as cold as ice. I woke up and found myself lying at the bank of a river. It was a familiar place, like I was here before. I stood up and looked around; I was away from the lodge but no very far. I was afraid. “How, again?” same thought popped into my mind. My heart was beating like anything. I started walking, but I was not able to. Something was holding me but was not visible. I wanted to shout but I had no voice. I wanted to breathe but couldn’t. Somehow, I managed and started running towards the lodge. I knew, someone was also running behind me. I jumped from the balcony into the room. My friends were still sleeping. I tried to wake them up but they didn’t, maybe due to hangover. This time, I decided to sleep on the bed between both of them. I was breathing heavily, thinking, sweating and was totally afraid. I covered my face with a blanket and closed my eyes. I struggled to get some sleep but I couldn’t. Finally, I slept.

It was a cold blow of air. I was searching for the blanket to cover myself but it was nowhere. Moreover, the bed was very cold. Like, I am sleeping on an iceberg. But what I found was not the blanket, it was sand. Same sand of same river. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I knew, where was I. However, I opened my eyes and again I was near the river. This time, I was very far from the lodge. And, to reach the lodge, I had to cross that river. I was afraid again as I’ll get a heart-attack. I stood up facing the river. I knew, someone was standing behind me. I could hear the breathing. I didn’t want to see, what it was. I started running as fast as I could. It was following me. I jumped into the river. I was losing my breath. My blood was freezing, but I didn’t stop. I struggled to swim but that thing, held me. I was drowning. There was no chance of escape. I surrendered myself.

From nowhere, a hand held me. It was warm and powerful. It pulled me out of the river. I was on the sand. I tried to open my eyes and wanted to see, who just saved my life. But I could only see the shadow. A tall man with matted hair tied in a bun over his head, a steel rod with three spears on it’s upper part joined together at same point. He was looking at me. I was not afraid of him. I felt secured. But, the moment I tried to move my eyes up to see him, I fainted.

Wake up bro! kitna soyega?” amit said and woke me up. I woke up instantly founding myself on the sofa, covered with a warm sheet. “teri nautanki band nahi hogi na?” vibhu said looking at me. “What did I do?” I replied. I knew, what happened to me was a nightmare. “Nautanki nahi to or kya hai..” amit joined vibhu. “what happened yaara?” I replied and sat on the sofa. “You were roaming out, last night, haina?” vibhu asked. “Me? Nahi..I didn’t but..” I wanted to reply but amit jumped in. “If you were not out, why you are wet from head to toe. Look at your clothes, these are full of sand” vibhu taunted.

My heart was in my mouth. Wasn’t it a dream? Did everything happened to me was real? Who was pushing me towards it? Who wanted to hurt me? If it was real, who was he, who saved me? Did he bring me here? Thousands of questions were spinning my head. I wanted to discuss but I couldn’t. This was not the moment.

I can’t drive, I’m still tired?” I said. “ho gayi nautanki chalu fer iski” vibhu said. “Bhai, hamara hangover utra nahi hai..you have to” amit said. “Fine, I’ll drive” I said as I knew I had no other chioce. I started the engine and we were on the road again. I was silent, still thinking about what happened last night. Then, I saw the same canopy on the way. I was looking at it, same old man was sitting there, but this time, he was smiling. A warm smile. A divine smile.



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Wednesday, April 10, 2013

ohdi sohni jehi smile..

teri sohni jehi smile, dekhi jaavan whole life..
teri har wish nu, poora kar da reha..
teri ek look vekhan nu..har chance labbda firaan..

thoda afraid vi si..thoda nervous vi si..
how should I say..tareekey ehi labdaa reha..
dil di har gall kehan da..right time labbda reha..

friends ne keha..where are your guts boy..
kidda samjhava ohna nu..she's made me a toy..
ek glance lai ohdi..fielding karda reha..
lecture ki..office vi main bunk karda reha..

finally, i got a chance..dil di gall kehan da..
but, I liked her friend, ehh oh sochdi rahi..
she liked someone, ehh main sochda reha..

she liked me, jadd ohne keha..
heartbeat jehi ruk meri gai..
I have got everything..main sochan lagg peya..
ekk paer te khada hoke bhangra paun lagg peya..

sorry yaar..tusi thoda late ho gye..
thoda jeha pehlaan aande..we could..together be on the same way..
she kept on saying..te main sunnda reha..
ohh far hundi gai..main vi far hunda gya..

I thought..ehh hoyea ke mere naal..
maar lainda thodi try..velleh lagaante enne saal..
chal koi na..better luck next time, sochke hassda reha..
khush rahe oh..duaavan main karda reha..


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Friday, March 29, 2013

I ran away..

I wanted it to be simple..my life..
I made it complex..I ran away..

I avoided using those words..always..
I used those words..I ran away..

I had no free time..nor any work..
I was free..I ran away..

I always slept in time..sometimes late..
I could’nt sleep..I ran away..

I was with my friends..whole time..
I was alone with them..I ran away..

I forgot the days..even the nights..
I forgot the date..I ran away..

I am not sure..nor certain..
I don’t know..I ran away..

I used my mind..whole life..
I used my heart..I ran away..



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Tuesday, March 5, 2013

DUAVAAN..

lines from a mother to her child..who feels alone and is far away from his home..


Iss duniya da dastoor ehi, tenu mushkilaan hi dengiyaan,
har modd te naal haan tere, duavaan vi rehangiyaan..

haarna te jitna, lagya rehnda, ess mele vich,

har khushi vich, har gham vich, naal haan tere, duavaan vi rehangiyaan..

himat naa haari kade, hausla na chhaddin,

har imtihaan vich naal haan tere, duaavaan vi rehangiyaan..

hassda rahi tu, sir ucha kar chalda rahi,

dhup chhanv vich, naal haan tere, duavaan vi rehangiyaan..

bharosa rakh apne aap te, raaha vi mil jaangiyaa,

main rahaan na rahaan, duavaan hamesha rehangiyaan..




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