a tale to tell..

(based on a true story)

“beta tum to kuchh le hi nahi rahe ho, ye wali mithai khao, khas Bikaner se mangwai hai”, her mother offered me a pink coloured sweet to me, which I could not adjust in my belly after having two samosas, paneer ke pakode and tea. I was there to see her first time with my parents. Everything was happening as it is, as expected, as told by friends and my cousins. She came with a tray of tea and a long veil covering half of her. I tried to peep and wanted to see my “would be” but all efforts failed. “hamein to apki ladki pasand hai!” my mother said with a long smile. “seriously? Wait, I didn’t see her, I didn’t talk to her, she was not asked if she likes me or not, even I am not asked if I am ready to settle my life with her” I wanted to say these words but I was not allowed. “arre badhaai ho, to ab shaadi ki tareek bhi tay kar lete hain” her overjoyed father said and stood up to give a tight hug to my father. Laughter everywhere. “agle mahine ki gyarah taarek kaisi rahegi?” an oversized panditji announced my wedding date with an expected answer. All smiled, all hugged, all congratulated, I was not sure if she was smiling or not in her long veil. And that’s how my wedding was decided.

The story happened in the year of 2013 of the so called 21^st century. I am a guy from a small village of Haryana, where weddings are still decided by the elders without any consent from the one who is actually get to married. “bakre ko sajaana to door, bali dene se pehle bataya bhi nahi jaata”.

The courtship period was of one and half month, which motivated me to think all the possible ideas to have one look at my would be bride. I approached one of my cousin to arrange a photograph of her. Atleast, i should know the face, so that if there is any mix-up of brides at wedding day, I could recognize her. My cousin asked for a time of two three days  for the arrangement. I am sure those were one of the longest days in my life. “daayin ore se teesri hai, dekhle dhyan se” he said with a grin. “kya dekhu ismein?” I replied with irritation. She was in the same kind of veil, when I saw her first time. “yahi hai bhai ab, lekin tujhke dekh ke karna bhi kya hai, kuchh badalne wala to hai nahi, jab ghar ayegi to khud dekh lena” he replied and escaped. The words were sharp as sword but right. This was the fact I had to accept. “atleast I can recognize her veil” I consoled myself with the thought.

But I was not able to give full attention in my work. Half of my mind was busy in imagining, how she looks like. And another idea clicked my head. One of my friends was from her village. I contacted him and narrated my situation. He promised to help. “dekh bhai maine pata kia hai, wo har roz subah 6 baje, gaon ke kuyein se paani bharne aati hai, waha tu koshish kar sakta hai dekhne ki, par pakde mat jaana” he explained everything. It was a great risk which could call off wedding.

Two girls were approaching the only well in the village and I was hidden behind a large pile of haystack. The place was perfect. “does she ever comes out of her veil, does she even has a face?” I almost shouted myself at me, when I observed faces of both the girls were covered with the dupatta. “kaun hai waha?” somebody screamed. And in fraction of seconds around 10-15 wrestler kind of men started running towards me. Both the girls ran back. I ran away for my life.

Few day later..

I entered my room and she was sitting on the bed in red saaree again with her USP “her veil”, which was longer this time. I was afraid about her looks, her voice and her attitude. So, it was purely a game of fate, like hitting a jackpot or get bankrupt. And I hit jackpot.

Everything was perfect to me. I was blessed with the best companion. It was the best phase of my life. I shared all my stories, even all the efforts I put to see her once. She was mesmerized and loved me more.

"mujhe nahi rehna uss aadmi ke sath” these words woke me up one morning. I looked for her and she was still asleep next to me. I went out in the verandah, where all my family members were gathered around my cousin sister. “main wapis nahi jaungi uss aadmi ke paas” she shouted again and started crying loudly. “kya hua bhaai?” I asked one of my cousin. “kya batau bhaiya, didi ko jeeja ji ne ghar se nikaal diya hai or didi bhi ghar chhod ke aagai hain, smajhaane ke bawjood wapis na jaane ki zidd pe addi hain” he replied with a sad and angry face. Everyone was trying to console her but all the efforts failed. She locked herself in a room and shouted “she will kill herself if anyone will again ask her to go back”.

Even after couple of months, she was still living with us and no one even came to take her back. Everybody got busy in their respective routine.

“maine apni biraadri mein baat ki hai or sabki sehmati se ye faisla liya gya hai ki tumhari biwi ko bhi ye ghar chhod ke jaana padega” my grandfather told me in anger. “what? Why?” I asked in shock. “ek baar jo bol diya samajh mein nahi aya kya” he replied in louder voice. “par kio? Ismein uski kya galti hai?” I shouted too, this time looking at my father, who didn’t respond. I knew he will never reason with his father. “uske gaon walo ne hamaari beti ko wapis bhej, to hum unki ladki ko yaha kio rehne dein? Unhe kya lagta hai, hum unka jawaab nahi de sakte?” he shouted again with anger. I knew no one could challenge the words of this man, but I was also determined to stop this non-sense.

One day when I returned from a business, she was not there. I asked for her from my bhabhi. She said “jaha se aai thi wahi bhej diya”. I was numb. I couldn’t feel myself. I ran to my grandfather and shouted “why?” for many times. He was adamant and asked to me to stop behaving like a girl. “main usse wapis lane ja raha hu” I shouted. “thik hai, tu karle apni marzi but ek baat kaan khol ke sunle, agar tujhe uske saath rehna hai to ye gaaon tere liye bhi nahi hai or na hi tera koi hamse rishta” he shouted back. I was frozen. He was going to disown me, if I have to live with her again. I ignored him and started my journey to her village.

On the way, I asked myself where would I go with her? What would I do for living? I was educated that much to get a decent job. And if she is living at her home, it will be good for her.  Atleast, she will be safe there. These million thoughts stopped me and I returned.

I put all the efforts to patch up the relation of my cousin sister with her in-laws but nothing happened. I tried to convince my grandfather again but nothing happened.

Now, it’s been two and a half years. I am tired of convincing people around me. I am tired of convincing myself. I am following a same routine. I work like machine, from day to night. Sleep at night to wake up early in the morning to indulge myself again in the work.

But, I still want to live myself. I still want to see that face. I still want to make her happy. I still want to share my stories with her. I still want to bring ice-cream for her, hiding from everybody. I still want to spend every night sleeping next to her.

million dollar confusion

Are we Devotees? Or, are we Slaves? Or, are we Cons? Or, are we Smart?
These questions have been bogged inside my mind from the day, I was able to understand the concept of “The God”.

Are we Devotees? Of course, we are. We fast at temples, we pray at churches, we bow in gurudwaras, we read namaaz at mosques. I gave it a thought that, how and from where we learnt these? and I came to conclusion, that these were incorporated in us by our parents, and they got from their’s. I am also sure that the origin of these is the scripts written in our holy books or what we call them granths. I have been reading a lot about this subject of what every religion wants it’s devotees to follow. What I could understand was this:

“don’t use those words which may hurt any person” 
“do not believe in superstitions”
“help each other irrespective of caste, creed or colour”
“respect Women”
"Forgive and Forget”
“Karam karo phal ki icchha mat karo”
“Contentment is better than wealth”
“God is one” 

And many other ideal things or we can term these as heavy teachings. But the question is, are we following any of these? Lets take the above one by one into consideration.

we do not hesitate or even think before using those words that may hurt people, because in the end what matters is success or promotions – self-profits

we still try to fool God offering him Prasad, some specific counts of visits, offering milk and honey during occasions, and for what?, just to make some of our crucial wishes true – bribery

we help those who can help us or we are sure that they will help us, otherwise, helping someone who is not able to barter their help is just a waste of time – investment

“yatr naraystu poojayante ramante tatr devtaa” i.e. where WOMEN are respected, GODs make their Home, but we have totally forgotten any kind of these worships. We still molest, harass, rape and burn them – hypocrisy

we do not forget what someone has done to us, so there is no point to forgive. “eent ka jawaab patthar se” -  enemy

karam wohi karo jiska phal milna confirm ho, warna time waste mat karo – pakke businessman

we have our personal gods, moreover, we are enjoying the privilege of having 33 crore deities. And when we felt there is scarcity of gods, we started following godmen who are believed to have some mystical powers – selfgod

and there is no contentment. We always want more either it’s success or fame or money. We have basically forgotten the concept of adjustments, sacrifices and compromises. However, where there is no contentment, there is no inner peace. And in the absence of contentment, there will be no difference between us and animals. The cost of wealth, these days, is more as compared to human love and care, which definitely is priceless – selfish

Are we slaves? Yes, we are. we are foolish slaves. We do not even know the difference between a follower and a slave. But, we are strong believers of any kind of superstitions. We do not want to face and solve the problems, on the other hand, we believe that the God himself will come and solve all the problems. Ye to wohi baat hui “I will drive my car on the day when all the traffic lights of the town will be green”. We have the attitude to lay back and hold God responsible for everything being happened. I feel pity on us. Wake up! He has gifted us with this beautiful brain. Use it!

Are we cons? Ofcourse, we are. We do know how to use the name of the god for our benefits and to make fool of others. We even try to ditch God too. “Agar tum kaali daal shaniwar ko kale kutte ko khilaoge to tumhara ye kaam pakka hojayega” (i.e. if you’ll offer black pulse to black dog on Saturday, you’ll get success for sure), “behanji, lagataar paanch guruwaar paanch pandito ko pakwaan khilao apka pati sharaab chhod dega” (i.e. mam, offer lunch to five godmen for five Thursdays continuously to make your husband teetotaler), “beta, neelam ko sone me jadwaake ungli mein pehno, naukri pakka milegi” (sorry, it’s bit difficult to translate). Point here is, we are following all these from hundreds of years without any break, aren’t we tired?

Are we smart? Definitely, we are. Success is ours but Faults are yours. “shayad bhagwan ko yahi manzoor tha” (i.e. it was all in the hands of almighty), “maine to koshish ki thi par ye to upar wale ki galti hai” (i.e. I tried everything but it’s all the fault of god). Did the god come on ground to increase the number of speed breakers? Or he himself has personal grudges with you? You know what, we, basically close our eyes using the above sentences to escape from any kind of situation which we are not capable to tackle. Actually, we do not want to portray us as a weak human, but if there is some scenario which we cannot handle, we blame god as the ultimate villain, who is creating problems around you. Man! We are perfect, isn't it? I salute us.

 So, I am still confused. I am still in enigma about what we really are.

 I am still looking for answers to some very simple questions.

 Are we the most confused creatures on the planet or are the smartest of all?

that 'was' an indian thing..

(article mentioned in the blog is available at this link: 

http://www.thehindu.com/todays-paper/tp-features/tp-openpage/that-truly-indian-thing/article6994645.ece )

On 15^th march, 2015, I read an article in The Hindu with title “that truly Indian thing”, an article which was about the topic which I have been reading from the time since I was able to understand the English language and Indian society. The article was purely based on the need and wishes of “Indian Men” who have the mentality to be in relationship or married to a fair complexioned women. But, I must say the topic of the article still has spark, as it lead to an unending debate with my colleagues.

I agree with the content that majority of the Indian Men do have the mentality to be with a beautiful, cute, sexy and hot female with the fusion of Indian values. They really want to be with a female who should be a combination of looks, values and brain. Also, the family of the guy also wants to have their daughter in law to be perfect in everything, both in appearance as well as family values.

However, what I want to say is, don’t the women want their companion to be smart, intelligent and good earner? I am not offending what was in the article but there are always two sides of the coin. The society and time in which I first read about the articles on same topic has been changed, and truly it changed a lot. Me and my colleagues are in the right age to get married and some of them are about to get married soon. We had a very healthy debate about the article and majority of us agreed to the conclusion that looks doesn’t matter always. Further, I have not met a single girl who do not wants her husband to be handsome, fair, chivalric and with the values of respecting every female on the earth. Believe it, this is a typical human nature.

Every human being somewhere in their mind has a checklist, whether Indian or western or any other place on the world map because it is in our nature to pursue for best. No one wants their companion to be bad looking, dumb or adamant, neither a man nor a woman.

I respect all the thoughts which were put into the article but there is also an other section of the society now, which should be examplified. Though, we Indians are lagging somewhere about this sensitive topic, but the youth is taking the stand to eradicate these kind of lame practices from the society.

Women in our society or not the one who make compromises, sacrifices and devote their selves to lead a healthy married life, however, men are in the same boat too. They also want to spend a harmonious married life without any difficulties and pressure. Believe it or not, men have more pressure to change their lifestyle when a woman is about to move in with them. I would like to share my experience here. A friend of mine met a girl, officially with the permission from both of their parents, before taking any decision to get married. The guy was handsome, a very good earner, gentleman and understanding. The girl was intelligent, good looking and career oriented. Both, spent a day together and found that they are compatible with each other but there were some issues which they decided to handle themselves because they knew they have to alter their lifestyle to make space for each other. But, at the end the girl denied on the ground of finances, as she explained that her lifestyle is somewhat superior than that of the guy. Both respected the decision.

So, these days are far far different from the days in which our parents or their parents got married. The era right now is of mutual understanding and collective decisions. The game now is not man oriented.

And we men are not from Mars, we are very much from the planet Earth and we may still be in search of our Cynthia, but that Cynthia doesn’t need to prove herself to be with us. Let’s discuss the checklist of each other together and convert it into single check list of our own.

From, one of an Indian man.

I wish I could born on feather..

I wish I could born on feather..
it could take care of me in this weather..
I could eat and sleep in its shadow..
Fruits, insects, leaves, whatever it managed, I could swallow..
I could survive..i could breathe..
I could get chance..i could not have bleed..

I wish I could born on hay..
I could have been with others like me..not doing this pray..
I could play..i could run..i could bark..
I could avoid my destiny with the dark..
I could survive..i could breathe..
I could get chance..i could not have bleed..

I wish I was not born in the garbage..
Where she dumped me, with my bandage..
I was just like her..i belonged to her..
I got the same eyes..i got the same fur..
If she could knew that, she was the only hope for me..
I could survive..i could breathe..
I could get chance..i could not have bleed..

what place have you decided for me?

Why did u send me there, if I had this destiny..
I asked him, the almighty, what everyone calls him, “The God”
I have heard that, here at your place, you ask for the deeds of the people..
To decide their place in heaven or hell..
So, what place here, have you decided for me?

What was my sin?
First, I had to fight to take entry into that damn world..
And when I had, I had to struggle for my existence..
I am already tested in every manner and all my patience..
So, what place here, have you decided for me?

What I had done wrong?
I proved myself at every point that I am as strong enough as males..
I faced all the challenges and teases and exploitation..
I am already tested in all the phases of my life cycle..
So, what place here, have you decided for me?

Was I not good enough?
I loved as a sister..
I cared as a daughter..
I compromised as a wife..
I sacrificed as a mother..
I think, I am already tested in all the roles..
So, what place here, have you decided for me?

But, I failed to fight..
I failed to scream, when they were raping me..
I failed to run, when they were abusing my body..
I failed to kill, when they were acting as demons..
I failed to defend, I failed to cry, I failed to shout..
Finally, I failed to live..
So, what place here, have you decided for me?

Actually, I didn't fail..
It’s your designed society, which failed..
It’s your male creature, who failed..
It’s your system, which failed..
It’s YOU who FAILED..
So, what place here, have you decided for YOURSELF?